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Arriving in Winchcombe exhausted and dehydrated we found our chosen pub The Plaisteres Arms SHUT. How can this be on a Friday afternoon in July? The Lion Hotel proved to be a good substitute however although most people decided their first drink should be a pint of soda and lime with ice except for Alan who had skived off the previous evening. Bus back to Cheltenham short break

The summit of Cleeve Hill was reached with some relief although the previous nights drinking exertions were beginning to tell on the entire group except Alan who had not partaken. His thorough knowledge of butterflies and moths had been appreciated during the later stages as we passed by the many Marble Whites and other types that had escaped from a butterfly farm hidden just over the brow.....

Later we ended up in the Sandford Park Ale House where JC panicked the group by misreading the beer prices inflating them by about 20%. Oakham Citra was popular as was Purity Mad Goose. Yuppy passed round a packet of extra hot pork scratchings to sample with the ale. Ali G's throat was so affected that he later lost his voice and DCeen rubbed his eye, becoming like Jim Carrey in the Mask.

Then it was onto the Kemble Brewery Inn packed out but lovely in the beer garden at the back beers Bath Gem and Wye Valley Butty Bach.

Local residents could be seen out and about with their shopping trolleys; mmmm must get one of those!!

Friday 7th July 2017

Up bright and early for the walk after a Premier Inn breakfast everybody except 2Pies pigged out on the full English whereas pies ate continental.

Outside met up with Danger Mouse, named because this cartoon character had a friend called Penfold and Alan his real name showed himself to be an expert on Royal Mail pillar-boxes.

We walked through the outskirts of Cheltenham stopping to admire the lake in Pittville Park when it was remarked that you would not see such abundant and large fish in a Potteries park! We were coming up on the rails at the Racecourse before beginning the slow uphill trek up Cleeve Hill, when 2 Pies decided to try out some spray on sun tan lotion, which specifically stated DO NOT SPRAY ON FACE, which he then did. Unfortunately this dripped into his eye, which became inflamed rendering him blind in one eye. Emergency surgery was performed by Dr Danger mouse, which gradually relieved the condition. The alpacas present used to watching race goers getting pixxxx probably thought this was another way of getting pixxxx! Meanwhile, another member of the happy band of ramblers was beginning to get redder and redder…

The first half of the walk uphill was about 6 miles whilst the second half was about 7 miles. Two young female cyclists passed us soon after we set off, much to the annoyance of Nails who politely thanked 'us' for stepping out of their way.

Danger Mouse took us on a slight detour of 50 yards to see an enclosed Dew Pond, before continuing on the long drovers track across the ridge which led to an ancient Neolithic burial chamber or Long Barrow at Belas Knap; where we rested or collapsed through exhaustion. Later we also passed by the site of a Roman mosaic floor which proved to be inaccessible and fenced off although Roadrunner tried his best to drag himself through a hedge backwards to get to the mosaic. By this point DCeen was beginning to shine an even more radiant red colour, which would be useful later on at night trying to get back to the hotel in the dark. Jaycee had hit the wall and Jacko pushed himself the extra mile.

First pub after our short break was the Bottle of Sauce recently opened and crap. Not enough staff to serve, long wait, nowhere to sit, but a pub to be seen in if you are 25 or younger. We looked out of place. Someone apparently had asked one of us if he was looking for his daughter!

Next out again to the Sandford Park Ale House Camra discount only on Mondays, which riled JC who proceeded to challenge the bar staff about this very matter, whose answer was we do what we want when we want. Sitting outside was very pleasant in the beer garden posing with the posh Tories of Cheltenham.

Walking through Cheltenham on Evesham Road a cut off tree stump was observed with the words “ They said I was to be lightly pruned” Next a walk out to Montpellier much more my own scene with its poshness the Rotunda a bit cramped but with some good beer Otter bitter and Proper Job being the choice. Walking back into Cheltenham town centre we observed the Hare and Minotaur sculpture where a member of the public took our picture-a feat of bravery to approach such an inebriated bunch of codgers.

On to the Indian The Everest in Cheltenham where the author had had many a good meal. However this time the bastards served him a Paul McCartney's band curry laced also with lumps of gristle. Everybody else's curry was fine because they had taken all the breast and leg meat and left 2pies with the residue.

No further drinking was allowed and bedtime ensued apart from a visit to the Slep to practise Polish before the upcoming visit to Wroclaw. However we were forced into the Bank House for a last half of Jaipur

SQUARRITES CHELTENHAM EXPEDITION Thursday 6th July - Saturday 8th July 2017

For route map, scroll down to the bottom of the page.

Up for it were:

Yup, Jaycee, DCeen andJacko; Ali G, Mothy, Anytime and Nails; Malc; Roadrunner and Smiffy; Al (Dangermouse).

Sadly, Craigee failed to show.

Thursday 6th July 2017

Journey down to Cheltenham chauffeured by Anytime in his air-conditioned luxurious people carrier, which had air con that actually worked.

Outskirts of Cheltenham met up with Yuppy, JC et al in traffic jam where greetings a v sign were exchanged. Arrival at the hotel was delayed for DCeen's car due to navigational incompetence, but he had kept his cool throughout the traumatic search. In anticipation of our arrival the Police as a precaution had shut one of the two Wetherspoons the Bank House. Apparently somebody had just walked up and assaulted some poor bloke sitting outside minding his own business.

At Premier Inn in the Town Centre rooms sorted and it was decided to go straight out. However Tim decided to have a nap and had to be woken and escorted to Reception for our afternoon soirée. Our first shufty due to the necessity of getting rid of vouchers was to the Wetherspoons Moon under Water a converted car showroom.

At the summit of Cleeve Hill we did a photo-shoot by the Trig Station, which was the subject of a cock up by Julia Bradbury on one of her televised walks. She stated on the programme that this point was the highest when in fact the wireless masts some way behind were the highest point. We moved a short distance to Cleeve Hill Golf Cub for lunch where the brie and cranberry baguette was well received. Inspired by the racecourse, Yuppy found a horse in the back room and had a quick ride.....