The Lakes 4th-7th July 2012 Sqwalk No 77

Day 1 - Hawkshead

Day 2 - Rail Ale Trail (www.lakesline.co.uk)

Up for it were : Yupmeister, Mid Week Tone, Stubbee, JayCee, Malc Jay, Matt Jay, Spikelett, Pedro, Granpop Bill, Keithee's up for it, Jacko, Ali Gee, Mr Tahoohigh, Tim Mothy, Dasher, Debri (Debbie Holihead)

The summer walk and brewery trip to the Lake District had finally arrived. Yes, a brewery would be included as we have come to expect during a summer hike. Attempts to include 2 this year to make up for last year had sadly failed !! Still, one’s better than none.

Strangely though, there appeared to be something else missing this year .......... aah …..a summer! What a shambles this year had turned out to be and there were no doubts that this would be an uncharacteristic walk in the rain organised by Yuppy; or would it !!!!          Ye who have little faith !!

Wednesday evening

We set off in excitement, but also with apprehension, to a guest house in Windermere booked by Keithee, who had expressed concerns over the landlord’s telephone manner during the booking. We arrived and found a car parking space directly outside the front door and the landlord swiftly appeared and welcomed us in to the hallway and took a register of names. Keithee's concerns were soon realised as he appeared to be the spitting image of Adrian Edmondson, with the charisma and actions of John Cleese. Evidence of a visit by the Hotel Inspector was displayed on his information board but he had obviously ignored any of the remarks.

The rooms had been previously allocated so there was no last minute scrambling for the room with the best views; not that we would. There was the ‘Old Person’s room’, the ‘Managers’ room, the ‘Peasants’ room, the ‘Love Birds’ room, the ‘Family’ room, and the ‘Johnny Fart Pants’ room. I’ll leave it your imagination to determine who was in which room.

The first to enter the Manager’s room, Mid Week Tone, bagged the double bed and Yuppy was left with a single, cosily sandwiched between Stubby and Jaycee. At least they each had a good view of the tele hanging unsteadily from a swivel bracket. With a few dozen packets of biscuits dumped we set off in search of the lads who had arrived earlier, and who had been spotted heading eagerly towards the Elleray pub.

We met up and gathered around the high tables at the far end of the bar and enjoyed the first pint of the night; Loweswater Gold, from the Cumbrian Legendary Ales brewery. Sadly this brewery, which is situated close to Hawkshead, don’t conduct brewery tours and couldn’t be persuaded to run one. We would not therefore get the opportunity to call during the following day’s walk.

There were pumps for other guest beers but these weren’t quite ready, so we opted to leave waiting a while for Mr Tahoohigh who was spotted madly waving his hands under a paper towel dispenser and wondering why his hands weren't drying !!

The Lamplighter bar was just a few yards down the bank, although the beer choice was pretty much limited to Theakstones. Live acoustic music persuaded half of the group to stay whilst the others went off in search of a better pint at the Greys Inn around the corner.

The intimate atmosphere was evidently not restricted to just the bar area. 'Have you seen the big clock on the wall?' Yuppy asked Jaycee. With deteriorating hearing, Jaycee replied that he'd just been standing very close to a bloke in the toilets who mumbled that he'd never seen anything quite so small in his life. Think we may have been talking at slightly cross purposes!! But we understand what the far sighted person meant!!  Or was he short sighted?? Jacko tried to confirm.

The Grey lads soon returned to join us, unimpressed with the other pub, and ordered Paddys in lieu of ale. Yet again we'd forgotten to ask for a discount with our Camra cards and of course when Jaycee got the opportunity it wasn't applicable to whisky !!

We were a couple down in the group with Dasher and Debris not making an appearance as yet. Hope they hadn't sneaked into our room and scoffed the biscuits.

Thursday

Breakfast time on our first day was agreed for 8am; the earliest Ade could manage. With no milk available for the cereals we sat waiting at ‘ten-to’ for the kitchen door to open and the appearance of Ade with the supplies. He emerged dead on the dot and immediately dived into action assisting Jacko who was struggling with the sugar dispenser, tipping a larger than required dollop onto his cereal. 'It’s no good for you anyway', he flapped. 'Debris won’t be joining us for breakfast', said Dasher, throwing Ade into a minor state of panic. ‘She’s not up to a full English !!’ added Dasher.

Malc Jay and Matt Jay arrived after an early start from Stoke and patiently waited for us to assemble.

Ade arranged for one of his 'friends' to ferry us down to Bowness in his minibus. What a star, and at £15 to the ferry point he immediately joined our mobile phones contacts list for tonight’s outing. If only we could have got the door on the bus to open it would have been perfect.

All the weather forecasts were predicting doom and gloom with flooding and torrential rain around the whole of the country, including the Lakes. Not here !! The sun was shining and it was a calm, peaceful start to the day.

The timetables on the net for the ferry crossings had indicated that the first one would depart at 9.45am, but these were obviously wrong as they were clearly running from early doors to around 9pm.

As we boarded the ferry the tailgate lifted and we were away at 50p each, and with no time restrictions we had no pressure and the full day to enjoy ourselves before returning.

As if   !!

After the group photos on the shore of Lake Windermere, we set off north following the edge of the Lake. There were drainage works taking place at one or two places with poor signing noticed by Dasher. 'Eeeh, I think we'd have to refer to the Traffic Signs Regs here youth', he announced, 'they wouldn't get away with this in Stoke!'.

Keithee struggled to get the hang of lifting his walking stick as he traversed the cattle grids; almost disappearing out of view once or twice.

It was getting hotter and we were glad of the shade from the trees as walked along this stretch. We were going great guns till we realised we'd gone too far and missed the turning point at Belle Grange, so decided we’d continue on via an alternative more northerly route, with Keithee and Ali G returning and taking the shorter but picturesque route over Claife Heights.

Little did any of us know that in two hundred yards a tea garden would beckon us in for tea and lemon drizzle cake. Good call Dasher. A few checks by text to Keithee reassured us that they were on the right track and were safely on route to their destination and our meeting point later. Shame they missed out on the lemon drizzle cake though !!!

The sun was beaming down and the umbrellas on the tables were erected to keep us cool !! ‘I must apologise Yuppy’, confessed Joe, ‘I put my waterproofs in my rucksack in case it rained, I should've known to trust you!’.

Apology accepted and fully refreshed we set off from ‘Basecamp’ and climbed the steep slope up Latterbarrow with sweat pouring off us men and perspiration appearing on Debris.

The views were superb with distinguishing landmarks including Scafell and The Kentmere Round being spotted in the distance.

Down the western side we hit the road and meandered into Hawkshead, and the Kings Arms. We waited no time at all for our meals; well most of us did. An order had obviously gone astray for a couple of the fish n chip dishes and we had to endure more time supping while we waited. Bugger...

Keithee confirmed he was drinking Hawkshead bitter at the Tower Bank Arms and munching through a burger the size of a bin lid. Not to be outsized, Ali G said he was having a steak sarnie as big as a doormat. He was also drinking Hawkshead bitter but also had his eyes on the Loweswater Gold and Barngates Catnap and Cracker.

Passing a cake shop we couldn’t fail to miss the enormous size of the gateaux on display in the window and the opportunity to reply to the lads. ‘Look what we’re eating!’ replied Yuppy, taking a couple of photographs and sending them back to the boys at Tower Bank. ‘They're bigger than the Olympic Stadium youth !!’

We were tempted to catch the mountain goat minibus which passed us several times over the following hours walk.

Instead, we walked, hand in hand, to Near Sawrey along the road instead of the original proposal over Claife Heights, which also provided us with more rest time and a ‘Catnap’ at Tower Bank with Keithee and Ali G. What a superb pub. Jaycee was still suffering with a banging head so he continued dinking soft drinks. That metal head gear fetish of his had really got to stop soon.

Wake up Spike, it's time to go !!

Taking a parallel route off the road we continued together but missed the village and the Far Sawrey Hotel which we’d got in mind to investigate. To avoid retracing steps, several continued on to the ferry, whilst Joseph, Yup and Mothy and slipped back to check it out. The Sawrey Hotel had now changed names following a full refurbishment and was now called the Cuckoo Brow Inn.

Look what Joseph found!

The return ferry run was free, unless they didn't see us get on.

Joe attempted to unplug a seal in the floor of the ferry but couldn’t budge it. ‘It doesn’t say not to !’ he said.

Ali G, busy taking photos on the Bowness shore, hung on for us to join him on the bus back to Windermere, as rain clouds appeared and rain began to fall.  Superb timing.

With the hard work behind us we showered and prepared for the evening, assembling outside the digs ready for our minibus again. Jacko admitted to having had a leak on his bed. He was quick to emphasise that he wasn't incontinent, well not much, and that the dampness in his bed was caused by a drip from the shower on the above floor. We believed him..... for now.

Yet again there was a problem opening the minibus door; even Debris couldn’t ease it open. Eventually we were in.  Granpop Bill managed to find a seat with a booster seat but with no sunroof had to remove it.

We were booked into the Amore Italian restaurant in Bowness. Thankfully it hadn’t changed too much despite recent name changes. Yuppy recommended the Chicken Valbella Spaghetti which was ordered by the majority, and Keithee happily set about ordering the house wine and Peronis to our approval.

As if by magic we were treated to free starters of garlic bread and pizza, without ordering. Thankfully for Yup the recommended main course was given the seal of approval, as were the tiramasus and cappacinos. The final bill including tip was £30 each, paid by Spike in small change who had obviously robbed his piggy bank.

The minibus took us back up to Bowness and a nightcap. ‘Any chance I could hire this bus for tonight driver?’ asked Ali G. ‘Not to go anywhere, but somewhere where I could doss down and avoid the snoring hell coming from Joseph and Keithee’.

The Queens pub was loud, but at least it was open, so we had no choice. The Flarny Brothers were in full flow with an alternative version of ‘No woman, no cry’ comically changed to ‘no rum n no pies’. The jokes flowed with the guitar accompaniment. I recall just one - ‘How can you spot a blind man in a nudist colony? .... It’s not hard’.

50 shades of Gray Jaycee, had gone back to the digs early so he could try on another metal head harness before retiring. We returned shortly after and somehow managed to wake him from his slumber and sweet dreams. ‘Have you heard this one John?, he was excellent, how can you spot a blind man in a ....?’

Friday

We knew the crack now for brekkie. Turn up around 8ish or just after, and Ade would be lurking around ready to serve us. Pandemonium soon broke out as Debris turned up for breakfast. Ade hadn’t allowed for an additional breakfast and quickly disappeared in a state of panic to put the grill back on.

Keithee recounted Joseph’s problem the previous evening trying to find his phone in his coat pocket before he went to bed. He could feel it but couldn’t get at it. After putting his coat back on he still couldn’t find it until Keithee unzipped his pocket for him !!

‘Why are you going to Oxenholme?’, Ade asked, as he re-emerged from the kitchen. ‘Nobody goes there except for train spotters. Why aren't you doing steam trains?’ ‘They don’t do real ale’, came the reply……

Ali G had moved seats to the overspill breakfast room. I don’t know how they’d cope if they were full. ‘Where's he gone?’ asked Ade, thrown into utter disarray. ‘I’m sure he’s had 2 breakfasts !’ Really??

The subject of Jacko’s leak came to the fore again. ‘It’s whenever the person or persons above my room have a shower’, he exclaimed. ‘Who's above you then?’, someone asked. ‘Nobody’, he replied. Aha.

With 2 working showers between us all, one of which only emitted red hot scalding water, and toilets that wouldn’t flush, we prepared for the day ahead. Luckily there was no rush as the train we were catching wasn’t due till 11ish. It also gave Mid Week Tone time to investigate why the signal kept dropping on the tele, eventually working out that if he held the aerial cable in a certain position it worked perfect. ‘Yes that’s it, hold it there Tone !!’

News from home came through that the flooding had been severe in the Midlands. Strange, it had been fine here except for a few showers last night.

It was no more than a hundred yards to the platform at Windermere where crowds had begun to congregate for the same train. A group ticket for the return journey to Oxenholme was purchased at the enquiries desk which allowed us to stop at Kendal and Staveley on the return leg.

The journey was short and sweet and we didn’t bother finding seats; not that there were any available anyway. However, Dasher did manage to find one and rested with the impending day’s activities weighing deep in his thoughts and hoping lemonade would be available.

The first pub of the day was the Station Inn, around half a mile up the hill away from the station. How did it get it’s name when it was so far away? There were no discounts for CAMRA members or if you had a rail ticket, or even if you were elderly. Jaycee tried all three options but to no avail. Ali G started the day sensibly on halves, whilst Jaycee continued on soft drinks. He really shouldn’t have strapped on that head restraint so tightly last night.

Old memorabilia could be found around the pub, particularly when we arrived.. An old ceramic water bottle in the window was spotted similar to one Ali G uses to warm the straw up on his wooden bed at home in neck-end.

A check on the brewery tour was made who confirmed that although they’d had flooding too the tour would still go ahead. ‘Ask them if they’ve got any water damaged beers’ suggested Mid Week Tone. ‘Make sure they haven’t watered them down’, added Jacko.

Curtailing a game of dominoes we strolled back to Oxenholme railway station and hopped aboard for the short journey to Kendal.

It was a ten minute walk to the oddly named Burgandy’s Wine Bar.  We settled in the back room down a set of stairs, which housed its own impressive brewery. 

A London underground type map of the breweries of the Lake District was on show on one of the walls.  We'll never visit them all will we?

Running short on time for lunch we headed back to the Riverside Hotel which we’d passed earlier, missing out on the Castle Inn which was just around the corner. Somehow we lost Spike, Joseph and Stubby. Of course we should have known they’d gone off in search of goodies to take home from a chocolate shop. Spike had taken a while to find a bar that wasn't broken, put it in his pocket, and joined us at the pub.

The ales were cheap.  We sat outside on the balcony overlooking the river Kent, pondering whether to return to the town for a pastie as we’d missed lunch.

Spike sat on his chocolate bar. Ooops.

Joe could not only remember the names of the beers, but also their strengths; Hawkshead Bitter and Dry Stone Stout. How does he do it when he can’t remember what day it is?

Back to the station we found a draft free waiting shelter for ten minutes, complete with chewing gum which became attached to our shoes, before catching the train to Staveley.

We meandered through the side streets to the Eagle and Child which had just stopped doing lunches. Darn it. Shame we didn’t get the pasties. Ah well, time for peanuts and crisps!

.... and some Corby Gold.

Malc Jay sat in front of the Gurners award but wisely wouldn’t attempt the challenge for fear of being placed on the annual calendar.  As if.

A collection of Irish Whiskey beer mats:

Joe tinkled around near the toilets but with little audience he relaxed on the rocker.

Pike above the bar, and Spike within the bar.

We left with around a ten minute distance to walk to the brewery.  Some of the food shops were irresistible to some who suddenly disappeared but could be spotted from the brewery windows dawdling along, stuffing their faces, whilst the rest of us waited patiently for their arrival.......

At the brewery we were led to the bar area where we could choose a pint of one of their beers, included in the £6 tour fee. I bet Prince Charles got in for free when he visited the brewery in April to mark it’s 10th anniversary !!

A young guide led us round and gave us a few tips including that we should expect a tight and creamy head, and that we should not eat salt and vinegar crisps or pickled eggs which affects the acidity of the beer.

The use of rubber hammers instead of metal hammers was also explained before we were led back to the bar area. Can Debris remember the reason?

Some of the Squarrites just couldn't wait till they got back to the bar !!

We were impressed by the springs under each of the casks which gradually tipped them up as the ale was consumed. Very clever.

As we were so close to Windermere we caught the local bus instead of the train and split into two groups at Ings where half of us got off and entered the Watermill Inn, whilst the rest continued on to Windermere.

This was a pub with it’s own brewery and one not to be missed for the enormous range of ales on offer. www.Lakelandpub.co.uk

We met up for an 8pm start and once we’d forced the minibus door open again we were soon on board and in Bowness, upstairs in the Emperor of India.

The waiter took our orders very carefully and impressively ensuring we had all ordered correctly, repeating our orders in summary. The fresh starters were quickly bought out and we settled down with cobras and house red. However, the main courses were then bought out in total disarray, as the waiters didn’t know which meal was which. Ah well, they were all ok except that some were hotter than others...

In general we enjoyed the occasion and returned to Windermere for the final time; returning to the Elleray for a final drink. Amazingly Yup remembered to ask for, and got, a discount for using his CAMRA card.

Saturday morning

Our final breakfast was met with the same excitement as we’d experienced over the previous mornings, with Ade being on his usual top form of exuberance. There were a couple of forks missing off the dining room table nearest to the door. ‘They were definitely there earlier’ he blurted, ‘I know cus I put them out. Someone must have pinched them’.

Maybe they’d been used to unblock one of the toilets. Whatever, they were returned to the table shortly after. No-one would ever know !!

Yet again it had been an unforgettable trip. Many thanks to Keithee for booking Ade’s guest house, to Ade for providing us with so much entertainment, to me for the rest, and of course to everyone who came along.

Cheers for now

Yuppers (enjoy yer blockages)