RAINOW 26TH SEPTEMBER 2008
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Turnout 17 No Squalkers, starring: -
Steve Willis as Pedro (Co-organiser)
Keith Phillips as Keithee’s up for it (Co-organiser)
Steve Morgan as Dasher
Tony Sutton as Mid week Tone
Dave Stevens as Yuppy
Dave Fryer as Spike
Chris Mayer as Chris Mayer
Nigel Pinfold as Nige Noel
Rob Belcher as Sparky
Graham Cork as Corky
Joe Tuohy as Joe Too High
Steve Machin as Heavy Steve Machine
Bill Tabbernor as Grandpop Bill
Dave Scott as Scott of the Antarctic
Keith Jackson as Jacko
John Commins as JayCee
Tim Horton as Mothy
Distance - 10 miles am +5miles pm
Weather – Dry and sunny (as ever)
Beer - Fantastic
The day started early for most participants with Sparky picking
up Heavy Steve Machine from Stafford and then Keithee’s up for it, from
Junction 17 on the M6. Paul Hector had fallen at the first hurdle, allegedly
having caused a credit crunch or something. Graham Cork was dropped off by his
No1 son, Nige Noel had picked Jacko up, Chris Mayer drove from Werrington, Dave
Scott drove from Liverpool and Tim, a surprise substitute for Paul Hector, had
arrived from
Walking boots donned, sticks sharpened and hair combed the walk commenced at 8:50, only 20 minutes behind schedule, which is good going in any body’s book.
The walk took us down the road (the only bit of downhill for the whole day!) until we joined the Gritstone Trail at Tower Hill. We then followed the trail south until we left the Gritstone Trail and joined the Rainow Stones Trail near to Horden Farm, heading east to Lamaload Reservoir where we stopped for our breakfast stop at Rock Cake Ridge, (named in memory of a creation of the famous Willis Bread Maker) at 10:15.
Fully rested, fed and watered Jay Cee, having devoured his special breakfast Beetroot Sarny, decided to show everyone his bloated stomach. The Horses, Cows, Pot Bellied Pigs and Warthogs in the field were amazed at such a sight. The rest of us just vomited.
Not more than 10 minutes passed when we had our first casualty. Dave New Boy Scott of the Antarctic looked up at the hill from the Lamaload Reservoir and decided to do a runner. Armed with a map and refusing to allow anyone to be diverted from their course, he said ‘I am going out and I may be gone a while’. Unlike the other Scott he made it back to the Robin Hood in record time.
The remaining company of 16 mounted the hill with great
gusto; Eric Enthusiasm could not make it, heading due east to the base of the
Shining Tor. The route then took us north to Redmoor and Saltersford Hall where
we then turned west for the return leg to Rainow. At
The remainder of the trek led us through fields to arrive at the Robin Hood at 12:30 which was 30 minutes ahead of schedule. There was the usual last burst of energy and un-gentlemanly overtaking in order to be the first to get served at the pub (or was it to get to Karen, the Owner/Landlady before she was dripping in slobber). One of the locals standing at the bar, a pleasant fellow who spoke to us all in turn, became ecstatic when Yuppy pulled out his little leather purse. The two chums were then both seen in rapture discussing the benefits of the use and management of little leather purses.
Most of the lunches were pre-ordered so drinks were purchased and all were seated outside in the sunshine, after rearranging the furniture that had been undisturbed since the reign of Ethelred the Unready. A fine selection of ales were on offer, including Black Sheep, but this did not stop Heavy Steve Machine ordering a Lager, which had to be delivered by waiter service as Joe Too High, whose round the unfortunate order was in, refused to touch it for fear of contamination and permanent damage to his reputation as a hard nosed, rough arsed, farting and belching beer drinker. During this distraction Pedro thought he would have a crafty swig out of Nige Noels glass. Unfortunately he was spotted by the ever alert beer swilling Biddulphian who then dished out his renowned death by glare punishment, who few have survived without permanent mental scaring and recurring nightmares. Fortunately Pedro was saved by the call of ‘dinner is served’ and was released from the tortuous gaze. Again there was an un-gentlemanly mad rush in an effort to gain the prime scoffing location.
The food was good however there were no onions on Grahams Liver and Onions to his repetitive disgust. Nige Noel was heard to say ‘this is the biggest one I have ever seen’. To everyone’s relief we found out it was his burger he was referring to. Spike allowed himself to get distracted, while inventing a new word ‘shagadellic’ and suffered some drippage on his precious ‘if its got tits or tyres it will give you trouble’ T-shirt. Steve had Pork Pie with Custard and Karen took Joes pudding off him as he did not finish his lettuce?
All in all though it was generally agreed that food, drinks and service at the Robin Hood were excellent, but all good things must come to an end. So, at 2:00, after hugs and kisses from Karen and a hand shake for the bar manager, Scott of the Antarctic and Chris Mayer bid there farewells and the remainder of the now company of 15 set off for the afternoon walk.
We headed northwest up to the Kerridge Ridge to White Nancy. For some reason Steve Starting talking about a song by Jake Thackery, The Bantom Cock.
Arriving at White Nancy the sun was still shining and the views were magnificent. So much so that we had one of those impromptu moments where we all lay down and relaxed in the bliss of the day and continued to talk bollocks, but at a slower pace.
Rest over, Corky spoke of a pub in Bollington, the Red Lion and proceeded to dash down the steep hill, regardless of the condition of his aged and weakened knees. The speed at which the ageing alcoholic made the descent was commented on by many of the troop, who could only endeavour to keep him in sight. The Red Lion sprang into life at the arrival of the mob who, when served, sat out in the side garden, soaking up the late afternoon sun.
Several pints later (millions for some) the party discussed the merits of continuing on the programmed walk or staying for more beer and taking a short cut back. A split decision was made, as is the custom for these occasions, so I will not mention Yuppy, Pedro, Dasher, Corky and Jacko who took the ‘more ale option’ for fear of embarrassment. The real men however, left the breakaway party to their revelling and strode off into the sun.
The return walk was pleasant yet fairly uneventful with the real men arriving back at the Robin Hood at 5:30 only to find the alcoholics sitting outside with a pint, having arrived just 10 minutes earlier.
What a lovely day.
Life doesn’t get much better!
Today’s Reporter
Keithee