The 3 Pies of
Up for
it were:
Keithee’s
up for it, Heavy Steve Machine, Yupmeister, Midweek Tone, Spikelet, Scottee,
Chris ‘Flash’
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photos:
Was there
ever any doubt that we’d cancel this trip due to the weather….. Nah, not really!! Forecasts had included torrential storms,
flood warnings, heavy rainfall, thunder and lightening. The possibility of being
stuck on top of a mountain with metal walking sticks in lightening storms came
to mind, and belated consideration was given by some (ergh, ergh) to staying in
a comfortable guest house instead of a damp tent. But Keithee held firm and declared on
the Wednesday that the walk with overnight camping would go ahead as planned.
The challenge of the 3 pies of
Keithee and
Pedro had set off as the advanced party on the Thursday afternoon. The journey should have been straight
forward; however the monsoon conditions were causing aquaplaning at 50 miles per
hour so it took a bit longer than anticipated. Upon arrival the rain had subsided to
mild monsoon conditions and as it appeared to have set in for the duration they
decided to pitch the tent and to hell with it. It took the experienced campers just
seconds to throw the tent up and make it habitable (yea really!). That done, the
rain stopped and Pedro appeared with a bottle of red wine, mmm red wine, and a
couple of genuine plastic camping wine glasses. This was the beginning of being sensible
and not having too much to drink on the eve of the walk.
It wasn’t
long before the rest of the gang arrived and pitched their tents, before making
their way to the Golden Lion………………. except, that is, for Yup, Stub and Mid week
Tone who were still on the motorway.
What could possibly have gone wrong? ………..
Well, there
was just a minor problem with horrendous tailbacks on the motorway, even before
an accident occurred which was witnessed by Flash. He had quickly changed into his ‘Flash’
gear and flew straight to the rescue of a driver whose car had flipped over,
before continuing up to his parent’s house in Clitheroe in civilian
clothes. The motorway was later
closed.
Much more
seriously though for the lads in the yupmobile was the realisation that Stubbie
had forgotten a 4 pint bottle of milk. Oh what a crisis! How were we going to
eat dry sugar puffs the following morning?
Worse
followed……. Mrs Yup rang to confirm she’d found tent poles lying on the garage
floor…. Oops. Could this have been
the chance Yup was looking for to book into a warm and cosy guest house for the
night instead of lying on a damp patch of grass in a farmer’s field? Was it
deliberate? Shrouded in guilt however, he used his initiative, and a minor
detour to purchase a cheap 2 man tent saved his bacon. Finding a cow to replace Stubbie’s milk
however proved slightly more difficult.
When they
finally arrived, the midges on the camp site were biting like fury, so the tents
were set up at breakneck speed before joining the earlier arrivals in the Golden
Lion which was quite conveniently situated next to the site. The guard dog’s bark frightened the
living daylights out of them mind, as they slipped by the farmer’s house and up
the drive to the pub. They were ready for a pint to settle their nerves.
The earlier
arrivals were settled in the back room of the pub, perched on hard, spring-less seats, and were surrounded by hundreds of blow
torches! Perhaps the winters are
dreadful? Most were taking it easy
on the drink front, and restricting their intake to just a couple of pints or
three. Pedro and Keithee were the
exception to the rule though, having earlier necked that bottle of
Yup
reminisced over the last time he had tortured himself in completing the 3 peaks
walk and his recollection of the size of Pen y Gent. On arriving tonight he recalled feeling
that either Pen y gent appeared bigger, or else he’d shrunk. ‘Oh no you haven’t’, came the chorus of
replies.
The missing
poles tale slowly emerged with Yup dishonestly explaining that all was well now
with his tent, as he’d nicked a pole off every other dishevelled looking tent in
the field.
Flash’s
anticipated appearance tomorrow was mentioned and his claim to fame in the
Guinness book of records for his feats of strength came to light. Scottee wasn’t
that impressed and said he had a friend who was also in the book of records for
slicing cucumber!
The barmaid
was an asset according to Spikelet; and we agreed whole heartedly. After a few
pints of Timothy Taylor’s Landlord we agreed even more whole heartedly. The last
orders for food were taken at 9pm.
‘Well done’ steaks were the favourite orders taken but they were served
incinerated on the outside and pink in the middle. Steve was not impressed and turned to
his half pint of lager but struggled to finish that too. At least we whole heartedly agreed that
the barmaid was an asset.
An early
night was necessary so we slipped back to the camp site and our damp sleeping
bags to set our alarms for 5.30am.
Several loud bangs were heard from Yup’s new tent. ‘Was that the sugar puffs exploding?’,
Stubbie shouted from the adjacent tent, as Tony attempted to stop further
buttons from popping off his blow up doll mattress.
Flash and
Hecky Thump arrived bright and early the following morning. Flash, fresh from
his parent’s house in nearby Clitheroe; and Hecky Thump after an early start
from Hednesford.
Milk
miraculously appeared for the sugar puffs and all was well, until the smell of
bacon wafted over from Scottee’s frying pan.
We were
almost ready for the 7am start but time drifted and after pushing the
registration details of the group through the door of the post office we set off
up Pen y gent nearer 7.30.
As we
neared the first summit Pedro, suffering vertigo, clung tightly to the rocks and
never looked down. He was not on
his own. Yup had got his first pie
out to begin the 3 pie challenge.
One pie down, 2 more to go.
Flash, with
2 apples and no water provisions, along with Heavy Steve Machine, with a stone
in his shoe, could be seen disappearing off into the distance to complete the
distance in record time. If only
Steve had had enough time to stop and remove the stone from his
shoe!
The boggy
stretch across the next valley bore plenty of evidence of the previous bad
weather. Maybe the weather had also
realigned the pathways because at one stage there was some slight confusion over
the route. Scottee accused the
Ordnance Survey of producing inaccurate maps.
A large
crevasse proved worthy of a minor 20 yard detour off the path complete with a
waterfall disappearing into the fissures below. Mid week Tone and Keithee who had
slipped ahead at this point opted to conserve their energy and wait for the
photographs.
The viaduct
eventually came into view, followed by the welcoming site of the infamous
‘powdered tea’ van nestled at the side of the road. Tea and water rations were taken on
board as we took our first rest by the stream. The proprietor confirmed to Spike that
he’d been doing same job for 17 years and that whenever anyone asks him how long
to the next train, his response was always half an hour. Very helpful! And wouldn’t you have thought that after
17 years he’d have bought a bin for the rubbish instead of a carrier bag hanging
off the door?
It was a
long pull up Whernside, with Yup and Spike opting to enjoy the views and admire
the civil engineering feats, including the aqueduct passing over the railway
route. The rest made their way up
to the summit taking bets on whether Yup and Spike would make the complete
route. There was never a doubt.
2/3 pie was soon achieved, followed
by a break in the pub, the
Towards the
third peak the gang of seven, realising now that Yup and Spike were safely at
the pub, decided to make a bid for the 12 hour challenge. Heads down they scaled the last
peak. The view from the top was
awesome with clear views of the surrounding storm fronts. The long trudge from Ingleborough back to Horton nearly took another victim in Mid-week
Tone with stomach cramps. A pie
might have helped? Still, he
soldiered on, and with the assistance of Pedro made it to the end within the 12
hours. Stir Fry was suffering with
sore feet, after not doing any walking for 12 months, but pushed to cross the
line along with Keithee, Scottee, Windy Stubby and Hecky Thump.
A quick
change of footwear and the party wandered over to the Golden Lion to find Heavy
Steve Machine sitting on his own after finishing the challenge in an amazing 8
hours. Steve later went on to
finish a second, then a third evening meal before removing the stone from his
shoe.
Yup and
Spike meanwhile, crawled up the steps on the last leg up Ingleborough as
threatening clouds collected over Whernside behind them. One look from Yup and the storms receded
and slipped off angrily in a southern direction towards Settle. Spike meanwhile struggled to get a
signal on his phone to say his goodbyes to his daughter Helen who announced she
was leaving home the following day.
Yup waited patiently and completed his pie challenge in Ali Gees
honour. 3 pie
aaah.
It was
generally agreed that the pull off from Ingleborough was incorrectly signed.
A 1¾ mile fingerpost was passed,
sited around 5 miles from where it should have been.
With phone
signal strengths at their peak, contact was made with Yup and Spike. Arrangements were made for well earned
pints and meals to be prepared for them after they had fooled everyone by going
on to finish the walk in another record breaking time of 14 hours. Stir and Flash by this time had gone home
and missed out on the evenings celebrations.
It was a
satisfying smug evening for the remaining weary, but elated, bunch of
squarrites. Everyone was truly
knackered but the challenge had been won.
Several had been sucking on Ibuprofen throughout the day which had
obviously worked better than the pies.
Congratulations must go to everyone for their determination in
successfully completing the challenge.
A few pints
later and we crept back to our tents and collapsed onto our sleeping bags; too
knackered to unzip and slide into them.
‘That’s my
bottom hole’, was heard from an adjacent tent as the whispers subsided and the
snoring slowly grew. The next
morning the campers were all eager to sneak a curious peak at the sheepish
looking victim. The farmer who
owned the campsite was also sneaking around, particularly around the shower
block, pretending to check on the stock of toilet rolls.
‘3 Peaks
Special’ and the ‘Dales Special’ breakfasts were consumed in the Settle-down
café, before visiting a Craft Centre to purchase real ale gifts for the
wives.
It was
great finally to return home to a hot bath, a gnat free environment, and a comfy
chair. Several days later and the
gnat bites had stopped itching; the aching legs and pains had subsided, and we
were ready to do it again. Ooo. Did
somebody just wake me up?
Yupmeister
Never again?
PS Thanks
go to Keithee for maintaining a determined push in going ahead with the
challenge, despite the discouraging weather forecasts which were unfounded and
the desperate attempts by some for it to be cancelled. As if
….