MYSTERY 2009 PAR FOR THE COURSE

Up for it were:

Yupmeister, Mid Week Tone, Pedro, Granpop Bill, Keithee's up for it, Stubbee, JayCee, Dasher, Malc Jay, Craigee 50/50, DCeen, Spikelett, Ax / Wilton (Chris Rushton), Mr Tahoohigh, Utterly, Col Surry, Heavy Steve Machine, Brockee, Jacko, Triglett, Rob Sparklette, Matt Silver Bear, Stew Art, Marky, John, Lance, Kevin Benfield, Double Dee (Dave Dixon), Tateeee, Alan Myatt and Huge.

Sadly, Harmesh caught a man cold, Richee couldn’t escape a ‘works’ do, Scott ee Free couldn’t make it and as usual didn’t bother to respond to any emails, and Moonbeam was keeping a close eye on his mum in Brum.

There were first appearances on the mystery night namely, Utterly, Benny - former tie-rack man, Tatee, Al Myatt, and Double Diamond, who before tonight had never got blind drunk or had a curry. No use coming out with us then!

Everything was organised to perfection…... or so we thought. All we had to do now was show up and hope Ronnie the driver did too. If only Scraggs had provided him with the correct pick up point details. As 5.05pm arrived, it became obvious Ronnie had missed the first pick up at Kingsway and Yup had to spring into action to divert the bus back to pick up the despairing Colin and the rest of the crew. Miraculously we had lost little time and were soon hitting the road after MWTone made a presentation to Yup for his continuous efforts throughout the year. Much appreciated, Cheers.

Our first stop this year was the distinguished black and white ‘White Lion Inn’ at Barthomley, close to junction 16 of the M6. This Inn has been a regular haunt of Pedro and Mr Tahoohigh, and surprisingly they had failed to spot it amongst the simple clues. Unbelievable. Heavy Steve had correctly named the pub but only with the guidance of Matt Nice-one, so his guess didn’t count !!

There were 3 clues sent out from the White Lion, the pound notes fastened to the beam above the bar, the cistern above the outside loo and the mouse caught up in the exposed Wattle And Daub. The White Lion Inn dates from 1614 and stands in the shadow of St Bertoline’s Church, site of the Massacre of Barthomley during the Civil War.

A bit more history; the White Lion has been the only pub in the village for around 140 years. Prior to this, across the road and built into the churchyard wall, stood the Punchball, renamed several times and later demolished to make way for a village green, which never materialised.

We squeezed into the cosy room at the rear of the pub like sardines to tackle the fantastic spread laid on for us. ‘Get in there before Ronnie’, suggested Yup.

Following a discrete whistle from Spike we were back on the road and setting off towards Nantwich, named by many as this year’s destination. Ronnie must have started on the xmas spirit early, spinning round roundabouts on two wheels and frightening other motorists off the road. The Globe Inn on the Audlem road was welcoming and set up delightfully for Christmas diners who were no doubt pleased to see the back of us half an hour later. Amongst the locals were the owners of the local Woodland Brewery who offered a future brewery visit to us. It was duly noted.

Our final visit was the traditional village pub, The Bhurtpore Inn at Aston, previously visited by a selection of squarrites paying homage to their annual beer festival. The Siege of Bhurtpore in India inspired the current name of the pub. You may remember the Bombay Mix and the Punjabi Mix clue written on the blackboard?

Evidently the pub has around 11 guest real ales of all styles and strengths which change several times a week. They also have a wide selection of European beers including Bitburger Pils on draught and Moravka, a truly superb pilsner brewed by Richard Hand's Taddington Brewery in Derbyshire? Well I never.

Belgium beers are also available including Timmerman’s Strawberry beer (a favourite of JayCees) and a guest ale which may be a honey beer, another fruit beer or perhaps a Trappist ale. A list of around 150 bottled beers from around the world is also available; real still cider is on tap and a list of 25 to 30 of the best bottled ciders available, excluding Magners, Marky’s favourite. 

Back aboard the bus Yuppy presented the Red Herring Award; a ‘Clever Bear Colouring Book’ to the Silver Bear, Matt Davenhill, for spotting the Shroppie Fly at Audlem. The clue; a photo of the ropes at the front of a canal boat which sits in the lounge area.

There was to be no chillie draw from the balti dish this year to determine the winner of the main ‘No-bell’ award, as we had an outright winner. No-one had guessed correctly or even chosen anywhere within 20 miles. Some of the guesses ranged from as far away as the Moon, and Manchester and maybe they’ll be chosen next year? To everyone’s surprise, particularly Silver Bear’s, the award of £20 went to …………… Silver Bear !

With the awards out of the way it was time to sit back and join in with Colin who kept us well entertained on the ‘long drive’ to the Indian, the Prachee at Keele, which was chosen this year for its unusual setting (a golf course). Amongst the clues was simply west, south and north but not mentioned was simply eastern, the translation of Prachee in Bengali.

There was an immediate rush to the toilets where the blue golf balls, one of the clues, could be spotted in the urinals. ‘Hickory’, Dickory, Dock was of course another clue which failed to get picked up, along with not seeing the ‘wood’ for the trees. They seem so obvious now don’t they !!??

Beers and poppodoms steadily appeared, followed by a slight delay before the starters turned up. The wait for the main course gave the opportunity for Yup’s speech and awards to be made, and as it was there was time for several speeches to be made.

As Santa’s helper, Moonbeam, was unable to assist this year, Granpop Bill graciously stepped up to the mark. Adorned with antlers and a flashing red nose he soon settled into the role as Yup’s little helper.

Booby prizes were awarded to Benny for being ‘last to pay’, by default really as Harmesh wasn’t with us; and ‘last to order’ went to Huge who looked quite attractive with a red hat and pleated blonde bobtails.

There was a review of the year’s events and of special mention were:

The ‘Hook Norton’ award, a photo momento, which went to Mr Tahoohigh for the Barton Arms proposal and experience. His preference however would have been a pint of real ale, despite not being able to stand.

The ‘Brussel sprout’ award went to Jessie James, alias Pedro for coming last in the clay pigeon shoot competition between the Clay Clowns and the Sharpshooters. A plastic gun would provide him with hours of fun and an opportunity to improve his aim. In his childhood he used to throw brussel sprouts at pigeons…. Enough said.

The ‘karaoke queen’ award went to JayCee who enthusiastically took up the microphone on the ‘alternative curry’ night out earlier in the year. The ‘chinese and karaoke’ night had been organised by Dasher and MWTone who had now handed the reins over to JayCee and DCeen for next year. JayCee lived up to his reputation by leading a rendition of Delilah at the table. Sadly, the vulgar version was not sang as there was a young couple who had sneaked into the back of the restaurant.

Stew Art took the ‘lager boy of the year’ award for assisting in the first ever Chester trip. A bottle of Old Hooky would hopefully help in his conversion to real ale.

The ‘Stripper of the year’ went to the Stubmeister who got his baps out for the lads in Chester, and tantalisingly sang the striptease tune ‘der der der…’

The ‘Porkie Pie’ award went to Heavy Steve Machine for his support in arranging this year’s walks and for carrying a heavy supply of pork pies to the first pub on the Wrekin climb.

The ‘most well advanced planned sqwalk’ award went to Dasher who had commenced arrangements for the summer walk well over 12 months in advance.

Finally, thanks went to Midweek Tone, and Keithee’s up for it, Colin, Ronnie and everyone else who supported the group and last but not least, Yup’s special little helper, Granpop Bill, whose nose was still flashing ten to the dozen. A toast to the Squarry Club was made and we sat back down and waited anxiously for the food to be served.

Copies of the food orders were passed around to remind everyone what they’d ordered. Of course we all knew what Pedro had ordered following his email to the world confirming his choice.

The delivery was exceedingly slow and yet Bill’s nose was still flashing. In dribs and drabs, and balti dishes, the food gradually emerged. First the main meal, and a while later a rice, if you were lucky. Occasionally a nan would appear. The food was good but could have been so much better if it had been served in its entirety. The final meal to emerge from the kitchen was DCeen’s who emphasised, stressed, and highlighted in no uncertain terms that he didn’t want it, as it was too late. Eventually they got the message, along with everyone else in the restaurant.

The bill was settled with a reduction being made following remonstrations with Ali the owner. This is becoming ‘par for the course’ !!

At least the journey back to The Westbury was short. MWTone was banished to the adjacent bedroom, and Ronnie’s wife left him the next morning. What a stonker of a curry he must have had.

Hope you enjoyed the night out.

Here’s to next year.

Cheers

Yupmeister

(enjoy yer mysteries)