Leek 24^th April 2009

14 were up for it, Yup, Mid Week Tone, Pedro, Richee, Granpop Bill, Stubmeister, JayCee, Craigee 50/50, DCeen, Spikelet, Utterly, Downsized Bolt, Triglet and Brockie

Although Keithee wasn’t up for it, he joined us for a quick’un before racing off home. Axe was fire-fighting at home, and Joe was on a promise if he could make progress with his flat packs.

Several squarrites including Pedro (who was seeking sympathy for his knackered foot), Yup, Mid Week Tone and Granpop Bill began the evening at The White Star in Kingsway, Stoke, where guest ale - Kinver ale got the night off to a great start. Richie was flabbergasted that he’d made it in such good time, having flown in from Ipswich in a ford focus in an unbelievable time. Much more believable was that we had to wait for Craigee who was still soaking in his bath playing with his ducks before joining us.

Day passes were flashed to the conductor on the new plumbline bus as we boarded in Church Street. A young wipper snapper assisted the driver in producing further passes for those who hadn’t already got one. Bill of course flashed his pensioner’s pass and paid nowt. Pedro hobbled on to the bus still seeking sympathy for his foot which inexplicitly had given him some gip from last Friday.

The new purple bus, featuring laminate flooring and leather seats, purred quietly along Church Street and up Hanley duck. If only thoughts could speak the proud Stubmeister may have said ‘how pleased we were at Stoke to be working with local bus companies to improve our bus services, offering such high quality transport to people in our city and make those services more accessible to the public. It's all about improving the standard of public transport in the city and this is a big step towards that. By giving passengers that little bit extra when they use the plumline route, we hope it can go from strength to strength and will mean more people across the city use public transport.’ Well here we were, doing our utmost.

We had to get off at Hanley bus station where sadly the standard of buses deteriorated. Several more squarrites joined us and confusion reigned as a choice of 2 buses were available, with both drivers explaining that the wonderful passes we’d been recommended to buy were only valid as far as Baddeley Green. So much for smart multi-operator tickets!! If only thoughts could speak the proud Yupmeister may have said, ‘You can stuff the purple buses’.

Pedro found a seat next to an old lady who was busy writing, so he could impress her with his injury. ‘Are you colouring in love?’ he asked. She wasn’t amused. ‘You can come and join us if you want.’ The old lady just ignored him, sneered and kicked his bad foot just as a local hoodlum kicked a ball against the bus window which made everyone jump. Perfectly timed, Pedro’s scream was lost amidst the reactions.

The first stop in Leek was the Quiet Woman. The ale was off but sausage rolls handed out by Yup made up for it which were discretely devoured by all except by Bill. ‘I see you’re pleased to see us’, said Spike as he, Brockie, Triglet and Utterly arrived. ‘Or is that a sausage roll in your pocket.’

The next pub on the itinery, The Bulls Head, had shut down and was now an antique shop. What’s the world coming to? So where is the current outlet for the Leek Brewery?? Continuing up Edward Street our next stop was The Wilkes Head, a friendly and down to earth little pub, where Hartington’s Whim Ales’ Arbor Light, and Hartington IPA were thankfully on good form. However, Whim’s golden Flower Power, a fruity hoppy ale with a grapefruit aroma stole the show.

We soon settled down, with JayCee choosing to sit under a sign which said ‘Beware the bullshitter’. Had it have been less than 1.83mm above his head we wouldn’t have seen it as his hair had been neatly trimmed by Mrs JayCee. And we wouldn’t have been aware.

It slipped out that it had been DC’s birthday the previous day and a chorus of Happy Birthday to you, interspersed with ‘mines a pint’ echoed round the bar. JayCee announced it was his wedding anniversary today and had to delay his leg-over celebrations until he got home, so another chorus rang out interspersed with ‘poor Carol’.

Strange how money changed hands on the night, with Stubmeister receiving 10 peseta pieces in his change and Richee managing to lose a sellotaped illegal £5 note, which Yuppy ended up with, but later lost at the Indian.

Richee’s new glasses picked up Downsized Bolt bouncing in. But the general consensus was that he should have gone to specsavers. He then moved into his usual organising mode enlisting wine buffs on a Californian wine trail trip. Craigee frowned at the prospect of 200 mile gaps between toilet stops across the Nevada desert.

Pedro became the new JayCee as we waited for him to finish his umpteenth free pint and eventually we made our way to the Bolaka Spice, missing out on the Angel, (Den Engel). A pub with mainly continental beers such as Leffe Blonde, DeKonink, DeKonink Antoon, Westmalle Trappist, Karmeliet Tripel, Dortmunder Union Pils, Budweiser Budvar and other such lager rubbish.

The ladies of the night were seen hanging around on street corners, one of whom looked strikingly like Mrs Triglette.

The Bolaka Spice soon had us weighed up, serving up 4 bottles of Jacob’s Creek and a few cobras within the first ten minutes. ‘Can I have a glass instead of drinking out of the bottle’, demanded an unimpressed Trig. Brockie wasted no time waiting for wine glasses and drank the wine out of his pint glass.

With a shrill whistle Spike drew everyone’s attention to the fact that the waiter was waiting to take our food orders, and the fun began.

The food and service was excellent. Dceen was overcome by a big chillie, misinterpreted at one end of the table as a big willie. I need a drink, he croaked, and choked down half of JayCee’s cobra. ‘You need a wallet,’ shouted some smart arse.

There was a call for sambuccas but luckily time had run out. The bill somehow got sorted without Keithee’s assistance and the hot towels were thrown in, literally, sending Spike’s glass of wine across the table and onto the wall. Another incident like this could see Yup also throwing the towel in before getting a world wide ban.

Amazingly we caught the return bus which Tone spotted at the corner of the bus station and the driver briskly accepted the bus passes without question!! A couple of tattooed nutters were keen to join us on future jaunts but were discretely ignored.

Dewsbury next, with plenty of ale for you to choo choose from.

Cheers

Yup

(enjoy yer baltis)