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A ‘Yup the Ripper’ tour of London 2nd November 2007, Up for it were: Yupmeister, Pedro, Richee-Lionel, Granpop Bill, Keithee's up for it, JayCee, Huge, Craigee 50/50, Stevey 60/40 (Sid) Phone a friend, DCeen, Ax / Wilton (Chris Rushton), Bolt from the blue, (Downsize Dave), Scott-ee Free, Jacko, Zolette and Divine lager boy Steve. The Clan gathered at the station ready for the first squarry trip to the Smoke, from the Smokey old town of Stoke; except for Scott Free who was up to his usual trick of arriving almost too late again in a taxi. Thankfully, Craigee had alerted him just in time to the fact that the train was 12.23 and not 1 o’clock. Jacko had taken time off in between his trips abroad to be with us and hoped a few pints of London ale would not affect his balance like the B52’s seemed to in Krackov. Spot on time, we jumped aboard the train and turfed out the strugs from our reserved seats before settling down for a short rest. The train announcer sniffed his way through his explanation of the enormous anticipated delays which we would encounter the following day if we were to miss the train and stay overnight. There was no need. We wouldn’t do that would we !! The London underground ticket office was thronged with squarrites purchasing their day passes. Sid was handed a freebee from some kind gent and tried it out at the gate. Fantastic, it worked. But of course unless you then pass through the gate it won’t work a second time until you exit. So there was a short delay as the security guy allowed him to pass through the disabled gate. It must happen all the time. Ten minutes later and we were standing outside the Market Porter adjacent to the Borough Market, supping real ale and taking in the buzzing atmospherics. Vixens Vice and Oakhams JHB stood out amongst a fine array of ales. A sausage bap stall made a fortune as we dived in at £3.50 a shot with mixed spicy sausages being the one to have. Pedro snook off to have a gander round the market and check out the pies. A brave move I thought, considering his recent experiences in getting lost… DC received a message on his phone. He hadn’t cancelled a meeting. He took it on the chin though, admitted to his mistake and then took it in the acorns as JayCee swerved back to allow an age concern ambulance to pass by. Delayed by the pressure of work, the 2 youngsters from darn sarth, Zolette and Divine Steve, eventually turned up and quickly supped a pint to catch up with Jaycee. Time to set off in search of the next 8 pubs!! No time to stop and admire the Golden Hind as we crossed London Bridge, slowing down only for a quick photo opportunity. Somehow we bypassed the next 2 pubs on the itinery and ended up miraculously at the Jamaica Wine House, formerly a coffee house, with its infamous worn step. There were signs outside in the passageway informing drinkers not to stand in the passageway. No-one of course took any notice. Time for the cigars for Richee, a look-a-like Boycee. Bombardier and IPA were available so we just had the one before moving on. A squarrette assisted JayCee in finishing his drink. We retraced our steps slightly and found the Ship, hidden away in another passageway, close to where the great fire of London began. I can’t remember the ales in this one, but I’m sure Divine was back on the lager again. JC said he’d recently had burglars breaking into his garage to nick his small tools. Luckily his big tool was still intact and safe. His appointment at Specsavers is next week! Talking of tools however, he did knock DCeen again causing him to spill a drop of ale. At these prices he wasn’t sure whether spilling a drop of ale was worse than being banged in the nuts. Scottee was running out of cash so we headed for Lloyds bank to find a cash machine before entering the architecturally impressive Leadenhall Market in search of The Lamb Tavern. Taking stock, we exchanged, (sorry, ) pleasantries over a pint of Young’s Special. Well most did. Before moving on, Zoe passed her pint on to JayCee whilst she put her jacket on. After all, he was the safest person to hold it for her. Ex city gent Richee took the lead to the Jack the Ripper area and took us in another direction, perhaps to catch up with some sightseeing, who knows? So Zolette took over and redirected us. Somehow we separated and most of us missed out on the Magpie, except for Zolette and Divine, and ended up at Grapeshots Wine Bar. Outside the wine bar a ghoulish image of Jack the Ripper adorned a passageway wall. Ooooooooo. There were a few ooooooohs inside the wine bar as realisation dawned that they only sold organic bottles of ale in pewter tankards at around £4 a shot. There was no ‘smooth’ here as Jacko demonstrated with his pewter tankard, twisting and rippling the ridge with ease, and then continuing to dribble the ale down his shirt. A pint of rippled might take off, who knows. The break was worth every penny for Craigee who was in desperate need of a wee break. The Beardee boys supped wine instead of the rippled before we strolled over to Brick Lane. We were accosted by several touts before Zolette began negotiations with the tout outside ‘Chutneys’ and agreed a free pint of Cobra for everyone, 30% off our bill and a couple of bottles of red wine. Best offer we’ve ever had I believe. The meals and drinks were fine from memory, after which we sauntered down to Aldgate where we were going to try another pub before heading off back to Euston. The night became fuzzy from this point on as Zolette and Divine said their goodbyes, some headed into an adjacent pub, and the rest headed into the tube station in fear of missing the last train. At Euston, a somewhat smaller group of ten; Jacko, Pedro, Craigee, DCeen, Jaycee, Bolt, Keithee, Yup, Bill and Huge assembled on the concourse. The train was ready and waiting so the group, less one huge, headed off to find their seats. Huge turned around and realised he was standing on his own. An hour later he jumped aboard another train going to Crewe and found Richee, Sid and Scottee who got off at Stafford. Texts began to flow. Ax had lost his minders and found himself wandering about aimlessly in London. Realising his dilemma he had hailed a taxi driver who very gratefully accepted a fare back to Stoke at £400. A snip, particularly as the clock was showing £530 when he arrived back in Stoke at 1.30am. A 24 year old student from the Wirral entertained Keithee and Jacko on the train admitting that she was on the fiddle. Jacko took her address for future reference. At Stoke, Mrs Pedro lifted her top and gave Yup and Granpop Bill the ride of their lives. Pedro pointed out that he’d never had an offer like that off Mrs Yup. So we live to tell another tale. Perhaps next year we could share a taxi?? Another ripping yarn from Yup (enjoy yer baltis) |