Mystery Tour 2006 Click here for photos
Numbers ‘up for it’ fluctuated on the run in to the biggest squarree event of the year hovering between 37 at one stage and 30 as the sat nav group dropped out with only hours to go. Moonbeam’s conscience finally got the better of him as he elected to visit Lichfield Cathedral instead and McCeen readily took his place. Ali Gee abstained with a dozen abscesses whilst RGBargee ate his pies for him; and the lowest of the Lowe studied his options and almost managed his first venture of the year, but failed. With only minutes to spare Mr Tahoohigh made a desperate direct line call to his brother-in-law, Tony Morethan, who boosted the numbers back up to 31, after taking out a travel insurance policy for the night.
This year the start time and pick up points were changed, beginning at 5pm at The Westbury and 5.15pm at Harry’s. Ronnie, our no1 mystery coach driver, turned up almost on time and Yup jumped on board to give him directions and discuss arrangements. Despite the frantic efforts of Ronnie, his buggered tape player wouldn’t work and even efforts to switch buses on route with a machine that worked failed.
Keithee gathered the Harry’s bar contingency together and led them out into Kingsway as the bus entered Stoke. After picking up and doing a head count, Ronnie pointed the bus in one direction, then another, then another, until even Yup got confused. Cheadle and Ashbourne were close contenders amongst the mystery guesses but all money was off as the bus dropped into Froghall, struggled up the other side and continued beyond onto Whiston and the first pub, The Sneyd’s Arms. The first clue, no bigger than 6 inches in height, adorned a wall in the bar area showing a well kitted-out Robin Hood figure. Could this have been the previous name of the pub as rumour has it?
The landlord was all of a flutter, despite the assistance of a delectable assistant. Or maybe that’s why he was in a tiswas, and struggling to keep his hands still. He had at least remembered to provide a barrel of Bishops Farewell for us, prompting Mr Tahoohigh, Yup’s bestest ever mate, to request his hand in marriage.
Lancaster’s Red Nose Reindeer was in the stable but with only 40 minutes allowed there was only enough time to finish off the barrel of Bishops and ensure we could keep to the programme of fitting 3 pubs in before the indian.
Back on the bus we continued off into the wilds and on to the Yew Tree at Caldon Lowe. A unique Aladdin’s cave awaited our arrival, full of amazing antiques and oddments, hidden deep amongst the limestone quarries. Amazing that Fagan kept his hands in his pockets throughout the stay! Those patches are beginning to kick in.
Al, (or Alan) the infamous owner, had cut up the pre-ordered pork pies and these were dished out along with jars of mustard as we arrived. Burton Bridge bitter, mild and lager were the only drinks available, but at prices dating back almost as far as some of the furniture, who cared?
The pickled eggs, pie and Joules sign clues could be spotted if you could find them amongst the clutter. The oches were taken up at the dart board and the skittles table, and several gathered around the pianola. Alan obliged when requested to insert a roll of music into it and we stayed another hour whilst The Silver Bear and Col Surry pedalled like fury. It’s been a while since Beardee’s twinkle toes have been spotted moving so swiftly, but move they did as the temptation to keep the tempo going proved inspirational and he began dreaming of a white turkey. Click on Alan for video
The sing-along accompanying the ivory bashing, was going so well that the third pub was knocked on the head. The Jervis Arms at Onecote was to have provided us with an extensive array of fine ales; but perhaps we’ll visit it next year, who knows?
Sadly, it was time to move on. Back on the bus the nearest guesses were read out by the Yupmeister. There was a tie for 1st place with both Beardee and Jacko guessing the market town of ‘Leek’, and forcing Ronnie into drawing out a chillie from a balti dish for the second year running. The winner would receive £15 whilst the loser would of course have to devour his chillie before the bus would be allowed to move on. Congrats to Beardee on winning and well done Jacko for taking it all in one mouthful, as always! At this stage Beardee sped to the front of the bus and Yup began to panic expecting the conducting to begin before we’d even got to the indian. Thankfully, it was to hand over a much appreciated bottle of single malt and a card from the Squarrites with thanks for his endeavours over the year. Many thanks chaps. I’ll have a nightcap or two over xmas if I get the chance.
Of course no-one had actually guessed the name of the restaurant, the New Monsoon, or the place, Bottomhouse, and yet the clues had been easier than ever this year. Just 5 minutes from the Yew Tree and we were being ushered into a fairly large room away from the other main dining area and other diners!! Were there any? I didn’t see any all night. Perhaps as well really.
A selection of starters including samosas, kebabs and a pappodom basket were served within minutes which seemed to go down well and drinks orders were taken by the enthusiastic young waitresses. Ronnie joined us for the first time and soon got stuck in.
Yup began by reading out Phone-a friend’s amazing deduction for this year’s mystery venue before running over most of the main events from the past 12 months. Thanks were given to those who had been supportive to the squarry club and had assisted in organising events along the way before a joke was recollected, originally told in Rutland about a young boy asking his father what a …ina was.
The sound of ‘Broadsword leader calling Danny Boy’ could be heard from the once great-escape artist Scottee, as Beardee was presented with a fairies wand for conducting duties. Unfortunately this was the closest imitation to a baton that could be found in Stoke, but as if by magic the old saying of ‘I shonna go again youth’ changed to ‘I will go to the ball ti youth’.
Finally a toast was made to the Squarry Club and Dasher graciously accepted the challenge of delivering several more jokes as we waited for the slower delivery of main courses. The chef Sanjeev was wrenched out of the kitchen, after we’d finally been served, and introduced to the clan before we were returned to never never land by Ronnie via Leek, Baddeley Green, Endon, Stoke, Penkhull, Clayton and Westlands.
Thanks for making it a most enjoyable night and a memorable year
Here’s to next year
Cheers
Yupmeister
(enjoy yer baltis)
PS videos at the Yew Tree and photos will be on the website soon.