ARGEE BARGEE COMES OF AGE 1ST
JULY 2005
After several months of planning, the squarry club’s first ever bargee
trip was finally upon us. Brindleys of Stone
provided the Aquarius, Indian food and real ale, all ably served up by 3 young
and very nervous waitresses.
36 squarrites boarded after meeting up at the star, with several late
substitutions. Dceen appeared at but
only to hand over the baton to McCeen after having felt offside all day, and
not wanting to feel sea sick on the tidal flow.
The owner’s wife made a brief welcoming announcement as we settled down
and indicated where the toilets could be found in true stewardess fashion. No problem, we noticed there were loads of
windows too. The owner had kept his
promise and had managed to load a barrel of titanic iceberg on board. Loud jeering bought the price down from a
fiver a pint to £2.50. Perhaps we
should have jeered a bit more.
A pack of fresh chillies illegally imported onto the barge was opened
and passed around by Beardee as an appetiser.
Scottee, bold as ever, downed a large green chillee in one before
knocking back 3 pints of lager in as many minutes. Still steaming he rang his boss and told him to stick the job
where the sun don’t shine.
A dainty starter consisting of samosas, kebabs, popodoms and relishes
were gradually served in between the trips to the boys room, (and the girls
room). Zoe said she’d fancy something
more between the courses. Jacko ,
always quick to lend a hand suggested she might want intercourse.
A mile down the canal and we got that sinking feeling as we thought we’d
got a ‘lock in’, only to be informed that we were passing through a series of
locks to drop a level. Shame.
As the main course was about to be served we were asked if we could
remain in our seats. She may as well
have saved her breath. To squarrites,
it was the signal to go for a leak.
Craigee of course was just returning from his 15th trip.
The wee waitresses worked fervently and nervously, weaving to and fro
amongst us, caling out squarrite nicknames as the main courses were dished out.
Beardee slipped onto the pointy end of the barge drinking brandies and
smoking woodbines. Gerb did the
honourable deed by telling him off for chucking his butts into the canal. As we turned around the local fishermen were
bemused as Gerben attempted to converse with them.
Groans of ‘Oh no not again’ were heard, as Spike was spotted with his
head out of a window. Thankfully, he
was only on the dog and bone wheeling and dealing as usual.
Every drop of the titanic got drank; to make sure the barrel was tipped
up on its end.
The return journey seemed to pass quicker than the outward one, perhaps
the shipping lanes had now cleared by the rich aroma of garlic and
alcohol. The drinks bills were settled
individually for each table and Beardee passed a hat round for a collection for
the young waitresses. Nigel’s table was
booed as they requested their £2 change back from the drinks bill.
Birthday wishes were sang to Argee Bargee before Beardee, who always
comes alive after 3 or 4 bottles of wine, thanked Yuppers for organising the
trip and the girls for putting up with us.
As we came into land we were asked to keep quiet as we were passing an
old folks home. ‘The old people are
asleep, sshhhh’ could be heard for miles.
Just time then for a last pint at the swan before closing time. Some slipped off home, and some went to the
Star. Only one upset stomach the
following day. Lucky it wasn’t mid
week.