Location
1-2 Andrew Place, NEWcastle
Click
here for Picture Gallery
Yup, Mid-week Tone, Richee, Spikelett, Scott ‘Gis
a Job’ ee , Craigee, Granpop Bill keeping tabs, JayCee, Ali 'The Power-cut' Gee, R Gee Bargee, DCeen,
Ian Lowest, Mo Who, Keithee 'I'm on for it', Triglett, Joe Tahoohigh, Stubbee,
Phil WoknWoll, and Pedro.
We did say we'd try 'New'
venues this year, and so we found ourselves at the New
Smithy in Wolstanton, formally the Archer and regular haunt of Mr Joe Tahoohigh
!
First arrivals were the The Yupmiester, Mo Who and
Keithee ‘I’m up for it’, quickly followed by Ali Gee and tax dodging student
(get a job and stop listening to the Levellers!!) Argie Bargie.
Once inside what turned out to be a splendid first
venue the lads were greeted with a fine array of ales (Spikelett will be
familiar with that phrase). Namely, Beacon, Everards Tiger, Hobgoblin, and
Ploughmans. The Cotleigh 25 was the
favourite, but as usual it ran out.
(Jaycee ordered a 25” cock, not Cot, hoping to get a reduction). Once served, the lads headed off outside in
the warm shade of the beer garden where all the seats were commandeered and we
were gathered round the largest table available.
Please read
the next part accompanied by the tune from the Hovis advert, and it may also
help if you can imagine the whole scene in sepia format.
Apparently, Jay
Cee used to go to the adjacent St Wulstan’s school. He used to play on the marsh.
He nicked apples from the orchards and nearly got killed. When he played
football in the school grounds the pig’s bladder occasionally went over the
school wall into ye olde grave yard.
According to Yup, it
would have landed where part of his granddad is buried! (which part, and why,
or where the rest of him is, Yup never revealed). Gradually, Jay Cee’s whole life story crept out.
Anyway ancient
history recanted it was time for another pint and a review of tonight’s
travelling arrangements, by non other than tax dodging student R G Bargee, who
was holding the bus timetable upside down and reading out the wrong times,
students eh? He was corrected, but he
finally redeemed himself after we realised we’d have an extra half hour or so
drinking time before moving on.
Yup began to
feel the cold; nipples standing out like Jaycee’s olde school three cornered
hat pegs, so slipped under the hand dryer in the bogs for 10 minutes before
borrowing Jaycees donkey jacket.
Strange how the jacket started off medium size and finished up dead
baggy, looking like it had been worn by the Incredible hulk.
Triglett turned up and
confirmed we’d have RTPI soon, for which we would all be grateful. By the time we get it we’ll probably be RIP
like those in the adjacent church yard (well like most of the ones not
disturbed by kids playing footy in St. Wulstans). Spikelett turned up around 7.30ish and nicked Granpop Bill’s
seat, who was then left keeping tabs on him all night and spying his chance to
get revenge. D Ceen took a phone call
from his boss. Making a note of the
overtime, he told him he was drinking quite merrily!
All too soon
we finished off our pints and slipped off to the bus stop. We were expecting some helpful ‘real time
passenger info’ from transportation guru Pedro. Unfortunately this was not
forthcoming. He revealed he wasn’t
involved in such innovative matters and that he thought public transport was
crap and that he just teaches people how to cross the road and counts chevrons
in his sleep.
We got peeped at the post while we waited for the bus. Could it have been Spike’s manly physique,
or could it have been WoknWol’s flamboyant t-shirt. Distracted,
we still managed to catch the 8.15 bus, at 8.20. The last time Tahoohigh caught a bus he asked for a half. Luckily he found a 50p piece in the gutter
and avoided full fare yet again.
From Sandy
Lane, it was all down hill. Would Ali
Gee be able to survive the walk? To be
on the safe side, the staff at a health clinic in Sandy Lane had been put on
standby to rush to his aid should his palpitations get too much.
Once inside
the New Albert and after the usual stampede to
the toilets, the lads settled down to the Everard’s Tiger and Speckled Hen,
which were good, but not as good as the beers we had just left. Nevertheless, the lads tackled them with enthusiasm
and some even had that extra one which made them slightly late into the curry
house, not that it mattered on this occasion, as we later found out.
Things took a bit of a
down turn in the 2 Angels. The
service was the worst ever. The waiter was
on a different planet. It was 1 hour
before any food orders were taken and 2 hours before any food was served.
The food was pretty good but this would be our last
visit for a long while. The problem
seemed to be that the curry house had lots of people in it. Actually, there was one other table full of
tottee from floor 2 of the civic centre, (where is Beardee when you need him)
and they left as we settled in. To make
matters worse, there was a staff shortage.
Other notable complaints included the strength of the curries which was
inconsistent. Tahoohigh’s dansak was
too hot. He tried to cool it down with
wine, missed, and threw it into Yup’s lap.
At this point he gave that idea up and decided he would just stick the
toilet roll in the fridge as he’s done in the past…………..
Ali ‘The Power
cut’ Gee (aided and abetted
by Yupmeister)