The Greyhound, Penkhull; The Beehive, The Staff of
Life and The Rose of Kashmir, Stoke. (website address www.roseofkashmir.co.uk.)
Team Selection from:
Squad of 16 including
Yup, Ian Seaweed, Ali Gee, Argee Bargee, Mid week Tone, Lionel Richee, 50/50
Craigee, Granpop Bill, DCeen, St'Chukkee, Matt (silver bear), Jaycee, Malc Jay,
Pedro, Dave Boing Wood and Spikelet.
(Matt Nixon required
more notice and was under the thumb, as was Scottie. Both failed to appear)
Yup didn’t take Beardee’s advice and maximise his
leave with an early lunchtime start in the Greyhound and wait for us. He chose instead to have a nap and
snore-test his aircraft quality quadruple glazing, as paid for by his weary
neighbours, who had been unable to get a good night’s sleep due to his
snoring. (lies, lies)
So, first in the batting order and up to the
crease, unusually, was Ali G and son Argee, who’s escape from the bright lights
of neckend went so well they were actually early! The maidens behind the bar served over a couple of pints of the
fantastic Timothy Taylor’s. http://www.timothy-taylor.co.uk/ Next in the batting order were all rounders Bill
Tabs and Malc Jay, who declined the new ball and continued the innings with yet
another over of Timothy Taylor.
The squad strengthened quickly with the arrival of
spin bowlers D’ Ceen and County cricketer JayCee, followed on by Wicket Keeper
and lager boy Seaweed, who had somehow managed to start his usual quest to
drink us all under the ground, but in the wrong pub! How long he had been there
is anybody’s guess. Marquis… Greyhound, well I suppose there is some similarity
after 29 pints of lager, 3 whiskeys and a four-foot spliff made of pure
LSD.
The fielding was bolstered by fast bowler Stubby
(suspended for chucking) and Matt (who very kindly offered Ali G a lift, even
though he wasn’t in his car). The Beardee boys, Richee and Craigee, added to the
ever growing fielding and, even with the absence of Scottie and the old man who
was on an “interactive” London jaunt, were always ready to take a “catch” given
half a chance. Finally to organise the
team, fresh from his kip, was Yup, accompanied by the ever faithful 12th
man Midweek Tone, and captain Pedro. MW
Tone pulled out all the stops to get to the pub on time, including running red
lights, but failed. This was spotted by Pedro but not mentioned until arrival. Pedro later confessed to having received his
recent promotion to team captain and was proud to parade the 2 chevrons on his
sleeve. Jaycee and D Ceen kept their
distance. It’s believed however, that
his promotion may now provide him with enough money to buy a round……sometime.
So the first test was underway in the Greyhound, a
traditional and old ground with a friendly team of ground staff, who when
drinks were called into the middle served up the excellent Timothy Taylor, with
the occasional Broadside. The lads had an excellent first innings and made a
decent knock of quite a few ales, until Yup, satisfied that the team were
comfortably ahead, declared for two and we moved swiftly on to the second venue
at the Beehive.
The Beehive; what a Stokie’s paradise this pub
is. It wasn’t a surprise that D’ Ceen
and RG Bargee, as season ticket holders, felt right at home amongst the Stokie
memorabilia. Even the toilets were
painted Red and White. Got to feel a
bit sorry for Valeite Matt, but then again perhaps not, he should support a
proper club. Again, quite a few overs of the Reverend James were bowled from
the bar. The lads now warmed up, and on
top of their game, picked up their bats and dealt with them very
professionally, until once again skipper Snorer Stevens declared for five. Spike, however, had the bails put back on
and went for a last half an over. We were also joined at the crease here by
Dave Boing Boing Wood, who wanted to last the tour and so gave up the Test,
preferring instead to go for the late short burst of the one day scene. The
word is, since has now left the Civils side of the fence, the Stubbmeister
General has offered him some experienced advice on how to hang on to your
curry.
It was all down hill from there (literally), down
in fact to the Staff of Life, a Bass house, for a final innings before
tea. A pub with a difference; the
regulars to be precise. The atmosphere
was flatter than Yup’s bed springs. (How
would he know??). The squad were greeted with “If you lot each get a round
in, you’ll be pissed up!” Spikee said he was too late but it was a good shout
anyway. Nevertheless despite the barmy
army the landlord bowled some good overs of the foaming Bass, the banter
continued until Yup hit six and declared, and it was off to the “Rose
Pavillion” for tea.
After a quick jog into the “Rose Pavillion” the
lads were quickly seated at a long table in the new extension, adorned by smart
looking flat screen tv’s, freshly painted murials, and totty. Yup arranged the fielding thus: At first
slip Midweek Tone, at gully Spikee, (cus its like tipping ale down one). Second
slip was Dave Stubbs ready for a quick chuck back, the wicket keeper and
all-round lager boy Seaweed, the remaining field, made up of fast bowler Matt,
fat bowler Ali G, son Argee, all rounders Malc and Bill. The Beardee boys, sans
Beardee who had gone down to the smoke for a smoke, and finally County player
Jaycee and all-rounder D Ceen. Jaycee
opted for the Jay Cee O juice which prompted umpire like gestures to the tune
of YMCA. Chukkee turned down Pedro’s pleas
to order a starter in case it upset his stomach. D Ceen seconded his decision, but declined to make any additional
motions just in case it was minuted.
The friendly guys at the Rose served up some fine
nosh. The chevron shaped pappodoms,
specially made to celebrate Pedro’s promotion, did nothing for him. It was as well really, cus we only got to
have one each as Ali Gee from Hogwarts ate the rest at the other end of the
table.
Dennis Rousos photos appeared out of Pedro’s
wallet (nowt else though!). MW Tone
said he still felt as though he’d still got hair, even though he’s now
virtually bald. Jaycee said he’d still got 5mm, which wasn’t disputed by
anyone.
Ali Gee and Richie attempted their Clint Eastwood
impersonations, reminisced about Prague and discussed possible locations we
could go to later in the year. Silver
Bear proposed a future trip to a selection of Cheddleton pubs with a curry to
follow in Leek, and Boing similarly suggested organising a tube train curry
rush in London, stopping at a pub at each station on the circle line.
Plenty to look forward to then. Before we left, R Gee Bargee passed on his
email address, RGBarGee @ pidgeonpost.com for future reference, and Pedro put
out a half marathon challenge to all takers.
MW Tone suggested we re-erect (a structural term for resurrect) the
tennis to get fit for it. We’ll see.
A collaboration of memories from Ali Gee and
Yupmeister.
(If you would like to contribute to future reviews or
minutes please forward them to yuppy@baltibugle.co.uk)