Racecard:

 

10 Runners: Yup, Craigee Babee, Mid week Tone, Bill Tab, Beardie, Richie The New York Yankee, Keith ‘I’m on for it’, Pedro, Stubbie, Dave C’een….

 

Non-runners:  Ali gee gee, Spike Towers, Rob Rooster Booster Belcher, Phil Rock’n’Roll,  Brockie Arckle, JC McCoy riding at Aintree, Mo-zee on down, et al.

 

 

Betting Odds began at 50/1 on with the going forecast good to fair.  The bookies were hoping for bumper profits.

 

All eyes tonight were on the performance of each way tipster Craigee babee.  Parading around the Westbury Tavern we were biting at the bit and ready for the off.  

 

At last, out of the traps, we galloped past the first bend and straightened out onto the A50 the first hurdle came into sight, picking up Keith ‘I’m on for it’ appearing on the rails at the tunnel, wearing a blue handicap and bald stripes.  Pedro’s ‘O’ level geography certificate came in handy at this point and the odds reduced further to 50/15.

 

The news broke that Scottie had fallen at the first fence.  Was he saving himself for his big meeting in August, the biggest hurdle of his life, or was the challenge of impersonating Laurel & Hardy at the Black Cock too much to live up to.  Odds reduced quickly to 50/20.

 

Swiftly past the white cock, we ‘pulled up’ at the larger black cock, (real ale pub), as it slipped into view.  But, just 20 lengths before the finishing line, at the level crossing, the flying Scotsman trained by BR, delivered an almighty blow. The pace slowed to a turkey trot and the odds slipped to 50/40.

 

Grander than the National, the old favourite Dick Turpin ale was delivered, as were the Flowers and Abbot Ales.  On the way to the gents for a ‘pony and trap’ young stallion ’Keith, I’m on for it’ slipped into thoroughbred mode for a photo finish with a group of fillies, who took a shine to his mane. Beardie was best ‘placed’ for these, as usual, and smoothly pulled away from the pack, as the odds soared to 50/30.  Craig attempted an improvisation of Laurel but found a white stain on his trousers, ‘another fine mess…..’

 

The manager expressed his appreciation of our long trip to his pub and took a shine to my main.  It was time to pull away.  Approaching the halfway mark, Camra guide Mid-week Tone noticed that Pedro hadn’t finished his pint of Dick Turpin.  Not stand and delivered but delivered and stood.  Was he emulating JC’an drink one more…... 

 

Bill was keeping tabs on his allegiance to the club by wearing his squarry shirt inside out.  Incidentally, the proposed squarrite shirt logo for this years Prague trip is ‘Czech Mate 2004’, this shouldn’t affect Bill though. 

 

So we cantered on with half a mile to go on the flat.  The blinkers were on as we pressed at Pedro’s heels, keeping a safe distance of 2 chevrons to avoid being blinded by his whiter than white trainers and shrunken whiter than white socks, as he attempted to pull away to the Cottage.  This was more like a handicap hurdle chase.  Were his trainers a freebee with saffron purchases made in India?

 

Keith ‘I’m on for it’ declared himself fit enough to be able to gallop home to his fathers stables with his spare key should the trailer not show up.  We didn’t think so.   

 

 

The final furlong and the table had been set for almost 10.  Solo Tono sat mid tables as we emptied the wine cellar and recommendations began to pour out including the chicken dupraisy.??

 

Under starters orders Stubbee admitted to having had the biggest one ever.  He could have gone the whole distance if he hadn’t told that old nudist joke.  Pedro, likewise had devoured his chat and was ready for the main event.

 

The service at the Chandni Cottage appeared to be slow off the mark at first, but quietly came from behind to excel.  And no trots were experienced the following day.  A photo finish then on the line and the winner, by a short head……….. Craigee Babee at 50/50. 

 

 

Other news

 

 

Watch out for his half century celebration dooo sooon.  Hot off the tandoori oven - 14th April.

 

On the final night of the Indian cookery course he was even suggesting the addition of extra chillies in his meal, followed by a quick pint of real ale at the Orange Tree.  He was on for anything (where have I heard that before?)  Luckily, the manageress’ nubile form was separated from Beardies lust by a small stud.  He quickly went off the real ale when his normal pole position was jeopardised by the real ale pumps obscuring his view.  The smooth flow taps would have been so much more welcome as they were so much lower in height.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Next Squarry Nite:

 

Change to forthcoming event in Manchester.  Now put back to May.  To be replaced with the old Al Shieks at Shelton, now under a new name, or a return to Audley via the Plough.  Date to be arranged.

 

Yuppers