Mystery
Curry Night Revealed
By co-correspondent Beardie
thought
I’d give the Yupmeister a break by reviewing the latest event ‘The
Mystery Curry Nite’. I’m sure that you’d wish me to extend a big thank you to
the Yup for all his sterling efforts made throughout the year. ‘Thanks very
much, Dave’ (not you Machin)
I personally know that he made 16 dry runs to the mystery restaurant in order
to make sure that ALL the food on the menu was up to the mark.
As a reminder, a short review of 2003:-
Jan – The Bilash, Higherland, Newcastle
Feb – Kismet, Burslem
March – Eden, Newcastle
April – Shimla Pinks, Manchester
May - Casa Loco Mexican, Stone – Don’t remember too much of this one but thanks
to Tone and Yup for seeing me right.
June – Uttoxeter Races Ladies Night. - Remember all the dancing and all those
gagging women and we had to come away. Not next year, no way.
July - Kuh-I-Noor, Newcastle
End of July - Arena, Neck-end
September – Royal Balti, Audley
October – Spice Avenue, Silverdale Rd., Newcastle
Oct – Munich Beer festival. I wasn’t there but I’ve seen the pictures.
November – Balti Triangle, Birmingham
December – Mystery Curry Night, Madeley
It’s hard to believe that one man did all this. It would have taken a team of
County Wounty wallers just to order tea and biscuits.
The Mystery Christmas Curry 2003:-
Notably absent as usual was Mr Ali ‘I’ll never let you down’ Gater who’s myriad
of excuses could win the Booker Prize for the largest volume of fiction ever
produced. He was really carrying out a 100-mile service on his Rover.(Not his
dog). They do have some technology up neckend being it limited. Craigee dropped
out at the last minute but it wasn’t because he couldn’t make his mind up but due
to sickness in the family so we’ll let him off.
It all began at the Westbury Tavern, very surprisingly. This was the largest
ever turn out in the Club’s history with 28 Squarrites and guests filling the
lounge bar. The landlord quickly sent out for reserve bar staff but we left
before they arrived. The stretched Roseville mini-bus arrived on time and we
ventured into the night towards who knew where. Of the … guesses as to the
precise location for the venue around 50% of the bus sighed as it took a left
turn off the roundabout at Westbury Park. The Yup had been very clever in
disguising the location by arranging for a slower than average mode of
transportation. Even a Rover was faster. The projected 30-minute journey would
have placed us at least twice the distance from where we finally ended up had
we travelled by conventional means. I was so convinced that I knew the location
that I offered to meet him there even boasting that I would drink my creamflow
on route. Thankfully the meister was too wise to take me up on the offer.
The first mystery pub was the Sneyd Arms in Keele. This put us right on route
for the ‘Indian Ocean ‘ in Nantwich but the fifteen minute ride up Keele Bonk
started to create suspicions that it might be a curry house too far or were we
to partake from the breakfast menu. Cunning! No one had thought of that. Anyway
we entered the pub only to find 27 pints of beer and a J2O lined up at the bar.
This brought back memories of the Mancunian Trip. (Remember the J2O kid). How
quickly time passes. I could see my smoothflow, being easily recognisable by
the creamy head in contrast to the flatness of the so-called real ale. Yuk.
There were two very attractive young ladies serving behind the bar, which at
this stage in the proceedings they must have been. They caught the eye of a
number of Squarrites except the gay ones. Do we have any gay members? I do
remember seeing a photograph been shown in the Westbury taken at the Munich
beer festival which looked a bit iffee. Back to the tarts, I must admit to
having a casual glance myself on a couple of occasions but I’m sure it went
un-noticed. After about 30 minutes we jumped onto the stagecoach and were
whisked off to the second of the mystery pubs. There were mixed feelings as we
passed the turning for Madeley and confusion really set in, as we were at least
3 hours from Nantwich travelling at this pace.
The second mystery pub was the Crown Inn at Wrinehill. This took me back 30
years to my early courting days (I was a late starter) when it was a little bar
with a small intimate backroom. Here, the occasional noise of a twanging bra
strap could be heard above the thuds from the dartboard in the next room. Oh
happy days. The pub has now been brought into the 21st Century. If you want a
taste of what it used to be like visit the Bluebell at Neckend.. You won’t hear
any twanging though ‘cos they’ve never come across them before. A bit like the
native Africans. The aromas coming from the kitchen were really beginning to
wet our appetites unlike the quality of the bar ladies. Yup let us down a bit
here with no smoothflow on tap and a lack of tarts. Still there was plenty of
banter going on amongst the squarrites and the ale flowed, be it a little
harshly.
We were all now convinced that the curry house had to be in Madeley as there
was a back route and there wasn’t enough time to fit a turbo-charger or rocket
boosters onto the gleaming white charabanc.
We set off down the dark lanes towards Madeley. With little warning,
Spike attempted to get us all killed by tickling the driver under his
arms. Was this a dream, were we seeing things? Quickly restrained,
we continued, then in the middle of nowhere the charabang spluttered and came
to a grinding halt. Despite numerous attempts by the chauffeur to restart the
beast it would not ignite and we were all getting high on the diesel fumes. Was
this yet another ploy by the Yupmeister to throw us off the scent? We
were certain that the heap had originated out of the Longbridge factory
alongside Ali G’s splutterbox. A few budding diy mechanics emerged to try to
rescue the situation. They managed to open the bonnet and someone even found a
large part of the internal combustion engine under a cover inside the bus.
Despite the many debates that followed, no amount of finger pointing could
manage to wake the dead. At this point it became like a mobile phone
convention and the airwaves were flooded with enough microwaves to overcook a
Tikka Masala. There were a few attempts to start the communal singing but
efforts were drowned out by the stomach rumblings of the many ravished
Squarrites…. Then before you could order a Chicken Chat a convoy of Rosevilles
unstreched limousines came hurtling round the bend to our rescue and to take us
onward towards our final resting place at the ….in Madeley. Best break down
service I’ve ever experienced but then I don’t drive a Rover.
Colin Salmon was the only winner of the £10 for correctly guessing the venue.
This was only because he’d been there before. For those who haven’t quite worked
out Yup’s obscure clues it’s something like this – if you stand at the crossing
you’ll have to stick your neck out to see round the bend and red-herrings don’t
live in the freshwater lake over the road. Clear – right Ok. You can see why we
keep coming last at Tuesday night’s quiz night.
This was a nice establishment (before we entered) and even though we took up
two long tables (at the back as usual) there were plenty of other tables taken
up by a very nice mix of people including some very tasty ladies. Well done
Yup. (All hand picked I presume). Red wine and Cobra were the order of the day
and a wide range of food was available, except for Balti’s although they did
manage to conjure up a chef’s special for me, which was very nice. I wish
Microsoft dint kepe corektin me. It was an excellent idea to keep to small
groups, which made the after-dinner usual totting up a breeze. The food was
very good generally apart from the bits emanating from the junior quarter of
the adjacent table, which fouled our wine, beer and hair. Not named but shamed
nevertheless. Unfortunately the Yupmeister was forced into issuing a red
card which somewhat clouded proceedings and let’s hope a clean sheet can be
kept in the future.
We departed about 30 minutes behind schedule and amazingly the charabanc had
made it back onto the circuit. Due to the lateness of the hour we decided to
forgo our trip to Castle and were ferried back to our various abodes. I was in
just in time to see the last of Granada Men & Motors Nymphs of the 21st
Century and their private fantasies. Thank you unreservedly Roseville Private
Hire.
Next Months Do:-
We eagerly await the call from Nazeebs in Hanley to tell us the date for
what will be the first for the club, a curry evening for gentle, not unruly, men
only. If successful, this could become an annual event. (and for some a weekly
one).
Christmas Lunch
The Christmas lunch of the elite Civil and Structural Engineering Group of
Stoke City Council will take place at the Hungry Horse on Friday 19th December.
The event will go on into the afternoon and will extend into the evening and
beyond. You are all welcome to join us. The offer also extends to the County
Wounty Wallas who take some organising.
Future Outing
As the Indian Ocean in Nantwich was such a popular choice for the mystery trip,
perhaps this could be an ideal venue. Even a County Wounty Walla could organise
this or could he/she. That’s a point we have no female membership. But do we
want it? Food for thought, eh.
It only leaves me to wish you all a very Squarry Christmas and a Happy New
Year.
Seasons Greetings
Phil (Beerdie Boy) Beardmore, Squarrite.